Sunday, August 21, 2011

Last Night.

Last night I hung out with one of my good friends after I worked. Let me tell you that hanging out with her is always a struggle. She has a grandma bedtime, and I never sleep. My time is always occupied at times she is free, and vice versa. So we finally decided that even though I didn’t get off of work until after her bedtime yesterday, we were going to hang out. This is one point I want to make: never be too busy for your friends. Always, always, always make time for them. As tired as we both were, we needed to catch up.
Now, my friend and I are opposite on a lot of things. One thing we do have in common though is our love for people, and our desire to help. I told her how I wasn’t planning on going to college, and it may have thrown her into a fit. And when I say fit, I mean if anyone was listening to us, it sounded like I had just told her that I was planning to kill someone. She thinks I need to go to make my life easier. I told her that my life has already been through its hardest moments (I hope). I seriously don’t mind if I have a “hard” life compared to living my life in a cubicle which would make me lose my already unstable mind. So after a good twenty minutes of her freaking out, and blaming me for her losing ten years on her life from the stress I cause, she concluded to just change the subject. I may or may not have said “hallelujah” out loud.
Then to change the subject we got on the topic of depression. I told her about my past, and what I’ve done. When I told her she asked why. I’ve been asked this question once. It was by my mom. I suppose the doctors asked me also, but I’m pretty sure my answer was “because the grass is always greener.” I was still being affected by all the medicines. When she asked me, I told her. I told her everything I never said to anyone at the time, or to anyone since. Opening up is always hard for me, but it came easy to me this time. It felt good.
So this is my message for right now: that making time for your friends is important. That sacrificing something may bring you greater joy than what you intended would happen. And having someone to open up to is important. The dark thoughts surrounding your mind can be made light by the radiance of a beautiful friend.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Let everything you read here go to your head, and beyond.

I posted once that I have had self-image issues. I didn’t ever really like myself. And I mean ever. I don’t know if this was anyone’s fault, or if this is a mixture of things growing up that just accumulated over time. I remember talking with Sarah Beard once in her house about God before I ever knew anything about Him or Christianity, and I remember her telling me that He loves me, and He is proud of me. I teared up right then and there because of how great it was to hear those words-about me. I had heard them said to others around me but never really to me before. It was a beautiful moment in my heart to know that someone was thinking of me and watching my development. And believed in me.
Last week at Bigstuf, there was a speaker there who talked about how we view others, and how we should love everyone. It’s not like we are any better than anyone around us. I mean, who told us that we rule the world and are above everyone else in it? Nobody. And we should love because all of us are made in a perfect image. Each person we encounter has been made wonderfully.
Now, just for a moment think of the most beautiful scene you’ve ever laid eyes on. The white sandy beaches of the gulf? The jagged mountain ranges in Colorado? The lush green of Ireland? Or maybe it’s the vast area of space that you will never be able to comprehend. Whatever it is, I believe that God created it all. I believe that in 6 days the earth was created and on the 7th he rested. While he was resting, he thought of a new creation-us. He made us in his image to end up becoming like him through our own free will. And you know, I think this is exactly what happened:
God created the Heavens, the earth, and the entire universe. He stopped to rest and thought to himself, this could use something. And then bam! Man was created. God took a look at the oceans, the canyons, the forests, animals, and the stars, and said “Well, that’s alright. I mean I did pretty good.” And he is content with his work. But then he looks down at you and he says “DUDE! That is perfect! Seriously, I have done no greater work than them right there.” And he says to us, “You are most perfect creation, and nothing is more beautiful in this universe than you right there, staring at the screen.”
And that my dear, beautiful, wonderful friend, is how it all came together. And that, is also why we need to appreciate ourselves, and others. The ones around you were made in an image that is deemed perfect and great. And while we are praising those around us, we must also remember to take a look in the mirror once in awhile…or all the time…and tell ourselves “Hey, you are beautiful.” And know it in our hearts that there is nothing on this earth greater than the human race. We offer something that is truly, divine. And that, my friends, is love. That’s what everything must come down to. Love ourselves. And love others. No conditions. We cannot limit who to love, and who not to love. There is just too much out there that everyone needs to experience. Every heart needs to know what it is to love.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


I believe that most people who claim to have a certain personality trait actually don’t. They want to be that way, yet they don’t actually possess these qualities. However, I have to be one to admit a trait I know I have, but never flaunt. I am a rebel. I don’t like being told what to do. Whenever someone tells me what to do, I want to do the complete opposite just to spite them. I guess I just like to do things my own way. Obviously because I am smarter than everyone else. But seriously, I have arrogance (more to come on that trait later) that drowns out my wisdom. It grabs a hold of my judgment and takes complete control even while my real brain is whispering to me to not do what I’m about to do. I think this is why ignorant people, or even very straightedge people annoy me. I can’t handle the mundane of the ordinary or the predictability of the expected.  My heart has certain beliefs that will stand true for the rest of my life. Life and Love have taught me more things than I have even discovered about myself yet. Many times I will get in trouble for breaking the rules. Every year that I have been in high school I have gotten ISS. Seriously, the past two years it’s been every semester I had it. And it’s never for anything big, I didn’t flat out break the rule, I just bent it a little too far. Every time I go in the office the people there know me, and laugh when I tell them why I am down there. Even my principle started laughing at me after the first time. I break the rules, but I am not a bad kid. It’s been said that change is the only consistent in this world. This can be proven all over the place. People, places, and ideas will never prosper without change. Of course, change takes practice. You can’t just wake up in the morning and say “I’m gonna be a lawyer,” and it happens that day, (unless you’re Elle Woods). Really every little thing that we go through builds us up into the person we are meant to be, and in a position where we can handle the circumstances. If we ignorantly woke up one day and said “I’m going to be a Christian,” then read the 200+ rules in the Old Testament and follow them, we’d be in bad shape. You also wouldn’t technically be a Christian. There’s also a good chance of you being jailed.  People were not made to be conventional. We put ourselves in situations that require exceptions.  This is because every rule made will eventually breakdown and be powerless against transformation. I truly believe we are all in need of a revolution of love. Love is the most powerful weapon we have working in us and for us. Imagine people who love one another simply out of the grace extended from our hearts. Love to expect nothing in return, just to build others up and encourage each one of us to continue living in this dark world. We are a beautiful people separated by fear and pride. Once we learn of our beauty, our hearts will be set on fire and this world will once again be made light out of the ashes.