Friday, February 3, 2012

Just Something.

This is a poem I wrote. I hope you enjoy it. It is okay if you don't.

Every note you've ever played went into my ear,
Down into the depths of my inner soul,
Made me fall in love with you,
And stuck with me like the echoes of our foes,
That crawls into our chests trying to break the guards of our rest,
At peace with ourselves and without the redemption of Grace,
You’ve made me fall on my face even harder than I imagined humanly possible,
But I laugh because I know that anything is possible,
With the I am. We are, He is, ours.
And only mine.
And every time I close my eyes my heart is unrefined,
But on my knees I am as new as a jewel from the dark mines.
Dark minds clutter the world that they claim as theirs
While we proclaim the good news that we belong to a KING
Have the greatest kingdom ever known and unknown.
The great mystery of the universe, life far out beyond the walls of any sphere.
Yet we are brought back by the simplicity of a smile,
Or the complexity of adoption;
The gravity that keeps us humble seems to be unseen
By eyes so desperate to search for their lives
That they miss out on the true meaning of life found in The Death,
I started this out as love but I am ending it with Agape;
The human who makes me feel alive inspired this fire
That grew a desire for fear: the absence of.
Our collision of spirit and
Inevitable choice of accepting what we didn't choose,
But we would decide even if it weren’t an option.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Good Enough.

Lately I have been having some open heart conversations with people who I have never shared things with before. With this kind of openness, it was not only the good entering my heart, but also The Enemy. It is interesting to see the kind of attacks I have had. I have always struggled with the idea of being “good enough” and I have friends who continually make fun of, and insult Christians. I am not just talking about one friend; and this isn’t an undercover jab at the people who have and continue doing it. I’m openly saying that my friends have done this, and I understand that their beliefs won’t change. I never want to force them to either.
You see, these friends make false statements about True Christianity. They are insulting something that they have only been burned by. They are trying to burn out the hate they have received with hate that they are sending out into the world. They are trying to put out a fire (that I agree needs to be burned out) with another fire. This will NEVER work. It will only cause a bigger fire, ultimately burning and hurting everyone around.
Saying these things is like telling someone “You’re exiting the building wrong, don’t go down the stairs!” Yet, they don’t have an elevator or another alternate route for us to take. Where are we supposed to go from there? Nowhere. It leaves us trapped in a building we are all striving to leave.
I couldn’t think about hurting someone around me in anyway. I would NEVER want to do that intentionally. I will do EVERYTHING to never hurt someone around me. When I do I humbly seek for their mercy. I pray that they will forgive me. This may sound dramatic, but it is important for people to know that I care a lot when I hurt them.
It is also VERY HYPOCRITICAL. What, a Christian calling the “secular” people HYPOCRITES? Yep. I know a lot of people who don’t believe in God have no problem proclaiming their thoughts and ideas to the world and tearing down our fundamental beliefs, but if I defend myself, I am all of a sudden forcing an idea down everyone’s throat.
You’ve gotta be kidding me.
They can send out their ideas. They can tell you why everything I believe is wrong. They can convince people that we are stupid, judgmental, and full of hate, but we try and clear, NOT our name but HIS name, and all of a sudden we are one of “those” Christians. Totally hypocritical. If someone insults you, spreads a false rumor about you, or hurts you in any way, you get to defend yourself. If someone is telling people that I am a gay-hating, judgmental, Republican, hypocritical, prude I just think I get to clarify that I am not. I know that all of those things are false.
And let me just tell you all THAT IT HURTS. It makes me SAD to think that’s exactly what my friends think when they look at me. People’s views of me are not what is important, but keeping my friendships are SO important to me, especially people who I am close to. Most people know that I don’t get offended by a lot. Almost nothing can make me upset to the point of tears but this does. It also takes a lot for me to admit weaknesses of mine.
This makes me think I am not a good enough example of the LOVE that Christ has for us. It makes me think that I am not being a good enough friend. It makes me think that I am not good enough for people to not look past prior judgments of Christians. I am an ambassador for what is GOOD, and TRUE, and RIGHT. This is my calling as a disciple. All of this just makes me think I am not good enough to even be friends with the people I am because they are great people. I am humbled to be their friend. This is where the enemy is hitting my heart, hard.
I am good enough for God to die for me. I am good enough for Him to love me. Yet these people who I thought cared about me are making me doubt this Truth because I am not good enough for them. All I am asking for is you to think about what you say, and if it is going to hurt someone or offend them, why say it? I don’t want to hurt you. I will never insult you, so why would you want to do that to me?
If you read this, thank you. If it means nothing to you, that’s fine. I hope I can find your respect.
Much love coming your way.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Some people...

Love is the ultimate sacrifice we can give. To love someone is to want everything good for them and make it happen within your abilities-at all costs.
                I have this friend who constantly reminds me of the person I want to be, knowingly, or not.  We were talking the other night and she told me “you’ve already opened your heart to me, you can’t take it back”. It made me realize how having an open heart with people deepens your relationship to a “no-turning-back” point. It is easy for us to say ‘man, people suck. I’ll just get them before they can get me”. I know this is the attitude of many people in this world.
                I know this life was supposed to be shared. It is why even the biggest atheists long for relationships in order to one day get married. When, if they really knew what they were doing, they wouldn’t have the desire in them to want to share life and to participate in a fundamental religious ceremony. We were created with desires. Our desires are not there so they can’t be met; they are there to show us exactly what we need in order to survive and live.
                We are not able to be ourselves without the consistency of people who hold us accountable. Ultimately, we need God in order to supply our needs, and to surpass our deepest wants and desires. But he created a companion for man because our lives were made to be connected. There is no me without the many people who surround and occupy my heart. It is why we are so easily influenced by the ones we care about so much.
                My friend who I mentioned earlier is never afraid to tell me when I am not being a good friend. She also has the ability to let me know when I am not being the person I need to be with her reactions (like I said, knowingly or not). She has pointed out flaws in me this week that I have always compromised by claiming it as a different characteristic. The truth is, I just react to the first thing I hear that can be believed. I am not proud of this fact, but I am working on it.
                A thought occurred to me the other day that if I don’t treat my friends with the same respect I hold with Christ, I am not a true Christian. I am contradicting everything I have ever believed in, or preached. I need to love those around me with the same abundant love that healed me and brought me to the person I am today. The love I have cannot be faked. Any love I give, I pray, is undeniable because I am hoping it is just a reflection of the powerful love given to me every moment of every day by a God who is bigger than we can imagine or comprehend.
The love that I refuse to keep to myself, will never give up. Love gives us meaning, it gives us hope. I will forever see this world as beautiful through this heart I need to wear more. I pray that each person KNOWS love. I mean: agape. Self-sacrificial feelings that is deeper than a brotherly love and more intimate than any other relationship we may have.

I am thankful for my friend who holds me to these standards. I want to continually make sure others' happiness is above mine, because I am happiest when those around me are full of joy. My goal will be to make sure I am a better friend, and person to every person around me, no matter the cost. The person who I am intended to be is brought out by the people who surround me.
Love is the undeniable ability to conquer our darkest sides, and to restore us to our intended state.
We are able to overcome anything with love.