Not my proudest moment.

I have been feeling very bitter the past weeks. I don't know why, I just have. I have been craving my old life, my old heart returned, and the thoughts I had escaped found me once again.
Doubts keep my thoughts running wild, and stifling my faith. Yesterday I found myself mad. Truly furious. For no apparent reason. It scared me enough to realize my thoughts behind the anger. The person whom I was arguing with pointed me in the right direction with her words, even though I didn't show it at the time. She told me that the people who care for me that are distanced or going to be distanced from me care for me with the same passion that the Lord has for me. They view me as He does.
It hit me really hard. I've never viewed it like that before. As much trust I have in God, I should have in them. It's just hard. It will be very hard. But I am going to try, little by little. I just don't know that I need to stay in communication with them.which may sound bad, but its just going to make me miss them more.
I need to figure out where my heart is now.
I just have more to say than what people can hear.
I'm sorry for the sad posts recently. I hope they will start improving.

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My heart is a little more sad than usual.

I know kids complain about being young a lot, but I really hate it. I also know that most adults say to enjoy it now while it’s good, and I can see why they say that. They say it because they aren’t doing what they are supposed to be. They are not allowing God to truly work in their life and move them where they are called. Granted, this is a really broad statement, but I think it’s true. I never want to end up sitting down all day behind a desk, not living up to my potential. Or better yet, not living out the life I was intended to live. I want to spread Truth to those who don’t know it. Or to those who have heard the watered down version. I have no idea how this will happen, but I am not worried about that.

Also, I said my “see you later” to Sarah and Andrew yesterday morning/Monday night. It was interesting. I wasn’t sad but I wasn’t happy either. I have mixed emotions now because I am reflecting back on this past year and a half with them. I have learned so much and I have come a very long way from who I used to be. I continue to grow in different ways, and I thank them so much for being my leaders through this. They are the best example anyone could see, and they are able to teach by simply living their life with love. I really am so blessed and grateful to have shared the talks that I did with Sarah. She loved me even when I made it the most difficult task, and believed in me when no one ever had.

Sometimes I have a really hard time showing how I really feel. When talking with Sarah Monday night, I found myself at a loss for words (which yes, I realize this seldom happens). Maybe I was just lacking the right words to say. Sarah…you have influenced my life in more ways than you know. I am truly honored to have you in my life. Thank you for having patience with me, even when it was really tough. I could not be who I am today without you.

Andre

I work with a man by the name of Andre. He is a cook with a beautiful smile. He speaks mainly in Spanish so I only pick up a little of what he says, but he is patient with me.
He gives everyone sincere and genuine compliments, and jokes around with everyone. He is so giving. At the Rob he offers me free food and has helped me cook using their machines.
Today he offered me green tea from Panera on the house. I love talking with him. He is such a fun spirit. He will never know I am writing this. But I love knowing he sees no difference in anyone. He has such a giving nature and a patient heart. I feel honored to know him.
Sometimes its the least expected people who open your eyes to great things.
That is what I felt the need to share today.

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