Good Enough.

Lately I have been having some open heart conversations with people who I have never shared things with before. With this kind of openness, it was not only the good entering my heart, but also The Enemy. It is interesting to see the kind of attacks I have had. I have always struggled with the idea of being “good enough” and I have friends who continually make fun of, and insult Christians. I am not just talking about one friend; and this isn’t an undercover jab at the people who have and continue doing it. I’m openly saying that my friends have done this, and I understand that their beliefs won’t change. I never want to force them to either.

You see, these friends make false statements about True Christianity. They are insulting something that they have only been burned by. They are trying to burn out the hate they have received with hate that they are sending out into the world. They are trying to put out a fire (that I agree needs to be burned out) with another fire. This will NEVER work. It will only cause a bigger fire, ultimately burning and hurting everyone around.

Saying these things is like telling someone “You’re exiting the building wrong, don’t go down the stairs!” Yet, they don’t have an elevator or another alternate route for us to take. Where are we supposed to go from there? Nowhere. It leaves us trapped in a building we are all striving to leave.

I couldn’t think about hurting someone around me in anyway. I would NEVER want to do that intentionally. I will do EVERYTHING to never hurt someone around me. When I do I humbly seek for their mercy. I pray that they will forgive me. This may sound dramatic, but it is important for people to know that I care a lot when I hurt them.

It is also VERY HYPOCRITICAL. What, a Christian calling the “secular” people HYPOCRITES? Yep. I know a lot of people who don’t believe in God have no problem proclaiming their thoughts and ideas to the world and tearing down our fundamental beliefs, but if I defend myself, I am all of a sudden forcing an idea down everyone’s throat.

You’ve gotta be kidding me.

They can send out their ideas. They can tell you why everything I believe is wrong. They can convince people that we are stupid, judgmental, and full of hate, but we try and clear, NOT our name but HIS name, and all of a sudden we are one of “those” Christians. Totally hypocritical. If someone insults you, spreads a false rumor about you, or hurts you in any way, you get to defend yourself. If someone is telling people that I am a gay-hating, judgmental, Republican, hypocritical, prude I just think I get to clarify that I am not. I know that all of those things are false.

And let me just tell you all THAT IT HURTS. It makes me SAD to think that’s exactly what my friends think when they look at me. People’s views of me are not what is important, but keeping my friendships are SO important to me, especially people who I am close to. Most people know that I don’t get offended by a lot. Almost nothing can make me upset to the point of tears but this does. It also takes a lot for me to admit weaknesses of mine.

This makes me think I am not a good enough example of the LOVE that Christ has for us. It makes me think that I am not being a good enough friend. It makes me think that I am not good enough for people to not look past prior judgments of Christians. I am an ambassador for what is GOOD, and TRUE, and RIGHT. This is my calling as a disciple. All of this just makes me think I am not good enough to even be friends with the people I am because they are great people. I am humbled to be their friend. This is where the enemy is hitting my heart, hard.

I am good enough for God to die for me. I am good enough for Him to love me. Yet these people who I thought cared about me are making me doubt this Truth because I am not good enough for them. All I am asking for is you to think about what you say, and if it is going to hurt someone or offend them, why say it? I don’t want to hurt you. I will never insult you, so why would you want to do that to me?

If you read this, thank you. If it means nothing to you, that’s fine. I hope I can find your respect.

Much love coming your way.